Sunday, February 25

The Second Civil War

Culture

An end-of-year satire.

The indications of a Second Civil War were all there. Rachel Maddow committed an entire section to discussing that Supreme Court choices were so out of touch that guideline of law itself would end if Democrats were passed by to fill future jobs. Online chatter about “civil war” increased significantly after a statement about raiding Mar-a-Lago– by “almost 3,000 percent” according to the New York City TimesThe Times even more blazed a trail with a long column dedicated to Velma from Scooby-Doo– the totally imaginary animation character with the orange sweatshirt– coming out as a lesbian, a sure indication things were going to hell.

The “paper” (so called due to the fact that it as soon as included news and was released on real paper) writers at the New York City Times and Washington Postnow commissars at the Ministry of Truth, strove sufficient to appear present. Their statues now line the National Mall, and school child understand their names: Krugman, Brooks, Bruni, and Boot. All passed away in the White Guilt Plague of 2026, which likewise eliminated the majority of California before its origin was traced back to gain-of-function experiments by Chinese exchange trainees on the Oberlin school and procedures were taken.

History reveals that it was over before it started, however, at the time, nobody understood how things would end up. The Maddow Division– General Maddow, her face in relief, using a black beret over shaggy hair, embellishes a million freshman tee shirts and dormitory posters– left its home in New York City on Citibikes, striking south.

The advance was postponed when the 2nd wave’s Ubers did not show up on time and the black helicopters never ever appeared, however the department’s smart usage of weaponized sarcasm, supported by ruthless TikTok dancing, triggered Tr * mp advocates (while we acknowledge the name is prohibited, for historic clearness we utilize here the term Tr * mp instead of “the T word”) to give up the field in droves and go back to their RVs. It likewise ended up using intense red MAGA hats produced reasonably simple targeting. A lot of Maddow’s soldiers died from being deeply upset as the MAGA line showed images from old films of white stars playing Asian functions.

Prime Minister Pete Buttigieg found the secret Fox News transmitter which had actually been relaying mind control directions to MAGA forces. With the transmitter knocked out, the conservative forces collapsed. The images of conservative kids required to consume vegan soy items when their routine processed food materials went out haunt even the hardest Resistance fighters to this day. Ideas and prayers.

Those images of kids are absolutely nothing compared with the problem released when freelancing SNL cast members freed the Obama-era– er, Tr * mp-era– er, Biden-era Kids ‘N Kages camps along what utilized to be America’s southern border, the area understood today as “Newer New Mexico.” After being fed just Taco Bell items in what was presumed to be a stopped working,

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